Comedy

Here’s a complete portfolio of all the comedy writing I’ve published.

The New Yorker

How To Still Be Reminded Of Your Insignificance Even When Light Pollution Makes It Impossible To See The Stars

McSweeney’s

A Nostalgic Reverie For My Youth, When I Wasn’t So Nostalgic All the Time

Acknowledgments Page for the Email I Put Off for Seven Weeks and Finally Sent

T. J. Eckleburg Follows Up With His Branding Consultant

Which Succession Character Are You?

Understanding Your Michael Myers-Briggs Type

The Protagonist’s Best Friend Would Like to Stop Having to Shoehorn So Much Exposition Into Their Dialogue (A Newsletter of Humorous Writing’s Top 15 Articles of 2022)

If Billionaires Are “Immoral” and “Shouldn’t Exist,” Then Why Do I Want to Be One So Bad?

I’m the Mechanic Who Built the Magic School Bus, and I Am Tired of Ms. Frizzle Getting All the Credit

A Grizzled, Months-Old Chrome Tab Welcomes a Fresh-Faced New Tab to My Browser Window

I Am the Designer of This Restaurant’s Outdoor Seating Space, and This Is My Artist’s Statement (McSweeney’s 7th most read article of 2021)

Points in Case

I Am Tired of the Entertainment Industry Being Populated Exclusively by Beppo Babies (People Who Grew up Eating at the Italian Chain Restaurant Buca Di Beppo)

Reasons I Will Not Be Posting My Spotify Wrapped That Emphatically Have Nothing To Do With How Humiliating My Results Are

I’d Like To Have Kids, But I’m Not Sure It’s Ethical To Bring Children Into A World Where Their Dad Would Be Me (Points In Case’s Top 16 Articles of 2023 and A Newsletter of Humorous Writing’s Top 15 Articles of 2023)

10 Ways Creating a Numbered List Will Help You Feel Like You Can Bring Meaning and Organization to This Chaotic, Random World

This Mirror Is So Relatable

In the Metaverse, You Can Do Anything! Except Stop Being Depressed

I Am Surprise Releasing My Album, Technically, Because Nobody Knows Who I Am

You Can't Judge a Book by Its Cover, Because They All Just Have the Same Colorful Blobs These Days

Your Honor, Have You Heard of the Mandela Effect?

How To Appropriately Move The Goalposts On Your 2020 Resolutions

I, The Kid Who Always Slept Through Your Freshman English Class, Would Like To Connect On LinkedIn

The Orb in the Woods Kids

Little Old Lady

It’s Important To Eat Local, Which Is Why I Only Eat Whatever Food My Roommates Have In The Fridge

Medium

What I Imagine The Conversation Must Have Been Like On Ed Sheeran’s First Date With The “Shape Of You” Girl

tumultuous times :(

how to be smart